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[General Discussion] Joke Thread

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#11
A wife calls her husband on his phone at the work and asks him: "Hi dear, can you talk ?"
He is answering to her: "Yes dear, I can."
She continues with: "Great, than listen..."
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#12

Please don't spam my inbox, if i'm not replying, i'm not online and i haven't read your pm. Thanks a lot for understanding.
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#13
After my wife died I couldn’t look at women for 20 years

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it.


If you see someone doing a crossword today............ lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.


How did the frog die?

He Kermit suicide


Two cold Eskimos in a kayak..

They lit a fire in the craft, it sank..

Proving once & for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.


I'll get my coat...............
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#14

Please don't spam my inbox, if i'm not replying, i'm not online and i haven't read your pm. Thanks a lot for understanding.
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#15
So, I accidentally gave the wife superglue instead of lip balm. 
She still isn’t talking to me.  

So there I was minding my own business in the supermarket when a guy came up and emptied a packet of grated cheese over my head.
I said  "That was mature wasn't it" 

My son just came home with a sofa and two chairs........ I am fuming as I always tell him never accept suites from strangers 

I watched a documentary on cocaine last night.
I think all documentaries should be watched this way 
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#16

Please don't spam my inbox, if i'm not replying, i'm not online and i haven't read your pm. Thanks a lot for understanding.
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#17
Girl: I need Google in my brain and antivirus in my heart.

Boy: And Photoshop on your face!
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#18

Please don't spam my inbox, if i'm not replying, i'm not online and i haven't read your pm. Thanks a lot for understanding.
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#19
          The hero we all need and deserve!

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#20
I had a really strange dream last night in which I just kept repeating, 'Hobbit, Hobbit, Hobbit!' My wife said I was Tolkien in my sleep.

Just seen on the news that some terrorist has been into a supermarket somewhere and injected a tin of alphabet Spaghetti with high explosives. Police warn if it goes off it could spell disaster.

my mate just hit me over the head with a power tool, one minute i was minding my own business then, Bosch!
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