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hssc11045Joke Thread

Nice one @Inox999
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Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman......



“I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”
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Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
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I was in a club last night and a Chinese guy came up to me and said " have you seen my cocaine"?
Not since the Italian job mate " I said.......



I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. I thought to myself, that's a little condescending....

I swallowed my brothers James Bond DVD collection last night. He was so angry he kicked the Living Daylights out of me!
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(17-09-2019, 11:38 PM)hssc11045 Wrote: I was in a club last night and a Chinese guy came up to me and said " have you seen my cocaine"?
Not since the Italian job mate " I said.......



I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. I thought to myself, that's a little condescending....

I swallowed my brothers James Bond DVD collection last night. He was so angry he kicked the Living Daylights out of me!
I swallowed my brothers James Bond DVD collection last night. He was so angry he kicked the Living Daylights out of me!...nice joke!
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What do Kermit the Frog, John the Baptist and Vlad the Impaler have in common?

Same middle name Big Grin



I got beaten up by 6 Dwarfs........... not Happy Big Grin




We paid a local carpenter up front to make us a bespoke double bed, the [email protected]@rd has only gone and done a bunk Big Grin
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A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. 

He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
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(02-10-2019, 01:11 PM)gxbferqa Wrote: A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. 

He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
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My daughter was doing her homework asked me what i knew about Galileo........

I said all I know is he was a poor boy from a poor family.☺

What’s the difference between a c**t and carlsberg?
A c**t only tastes like piss for the first few seconds.☺

A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Wow I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?” 

"Pop" goes the weasel!☺
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My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.

I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.
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