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Joke Thread - hssc11045 - 06-04-2018 Lets have some fun and liven this place up Nothing too offensive now I will start with a few.......... My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak!!! 2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes…. I think they were Hovis Witnesses A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, Never mind son maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part RE: Joke Thread - hssc11045 - 07-04-2018 try a few more........ My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid... then I was petrified. Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. Just been for a medical & the doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty", I said "Ok, like bacon & burgers?" He said " No, just don't eat anything, fatty!" RE: Joke Thread - WetToiletPaper712 - 07-04-2018 Why did the Duck cross the road ? To get to the other side, of course------Quack. RE: Joke Thread - DA - 07-04-2018 RE: Joke Thread - Mr. James Bond - 07-04-2018 Ahahahahha RE: Joke Thread - WetToiletPaper712 - 08-04-2018 Well you know how some people call the Bathroom, the John. Well there is a Guy who re-Named his Bathroom, the Gym. So that way he can tell people he went to the Gym Today RE: Joke Thread - DA - 08-04-2018 RE: Joke Thread - hssc11045 - 08-04-2018 I'm setting up a group for cyclists who ignore red lights. Please feel free to join Cyclists Unable to Notice Traffic Signals The wife was watching a cookery show... I said "What the fuck you watching that for? You can’t cook!" She replied "You watch porn!" [size=small]How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit ? No Brussels RE: Joke Thread - hssc11045 - 13-04-2018 Few more.......... My wife got upset when she couldn't fit into a size 12 dress. I said don't cry love your bigger than that My wife's been looking for a tampon that fits her properly for years. She's finally given up and thrown in the towel I went to get some air put into my tyres the other day. The attendant tried to charge me $10, I was like, “$10?? That’s so expensive, it’s just air!” The attendant said, “Well, that’s inflation for you.” Just heard the guy who was suing Emirates for missing luggage has lost his case What's the difference between a bowling ball and a prostitute? Nothing....... they both get picked up, fingered and then banged up an alley RE: Joke Thread - WetToiletPaper712 - 13-04-2018 Here is another version, Hssc11045. What's the Same between a Bowling ball and a Prostitute? You Plug both holes the same way, 2 Fingers in the Pussy, 1 Finger in the Ass. |