General Discussion Joke Thread

[DA]

Yeah i did...

[Mr. James Bond]

I have given 1 rep point to the "big one" but to be honest I really don't know if i will find the time to read it.

Anyway, BIG thanks from me !

[wormtail39]

I have given 1 rep point to the "big one" but to be honest I really don't know if i will find the time to read it.

Anyway, BIG thanks from me !

haha cheers mate and i cant say i blame u it is pretty long 

[gxbferqa]

Dentist: "You need a crown."
-
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"

[hssc11045]

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. 

When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min

(charges may vary). 

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When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head.

 Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

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Got stopped in the street by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" 

She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

[kshitij_it]

A women was pregnant with triplets.

One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.

She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.

So 18 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.

The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

[wormtail39]

"knock knock" 

"whos there?"

"starzi" 

"starzi who?"

*slaps them hard across the face*  (in heavy german accent) "weee vill ask da questions!!!!!"

---

so 2 men whent to a brothel and were really realllllllllllllllllllllllllly drunk the man at the brothel looked at them and whispered to his workers, look how drunk they are just give them sex dolls they wont know the difference. so the next moring tho two men met up again and the first man said that he had an awful night.... he thought his hooker had been dead she didnt move or say anything all night. The second man said you think you had it bad? i think mine was a witch i was fucking her and out of nowhere she farted and flew out the window.

[hssc11045]

I relabelled all of the jars in my wife's spice rack.

I'm not in trouble yet...

But the thyme is cumin...

I Asked the Librarian if they had any books on Paranoia

She leaned forward and said ..............................

They are behind you!!!!



I met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit. 

We’re going to go on a date next week.....

[gxbferqa]

Two jokes:

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector

[hssc11045]

What did the Pirate say on his 80th Birthday?
Aye Matey!!!!

What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?
Roberto!!!

Bought the wife some Meatloaf knickers for Christmas.
The front says "I will do anything for love"
On the rear it says "but I won't do that"!!!!!